After what seemed like a pregnancy that lasted a thousand years our little guy Cyrus made his grand entrance into the world on August 12th and I was immediately more in love than I ever thought possible. The second I met him, I forgot all about the excruciating amount of pain that had made me nearly punch a perfect stranger for being there as a contraction hit, the IV attempts that had ended up looking like a murder seen in the room and the last 17 hours of insanity that had followed once my water broke that brought us to that moment. The moment that we finally got to meet this little man that we were now responsible for and I was in awe of him; he was and is perfect.
Then life went on warp speed. Being a new parent is scary as you can imagine. Not only are you responsible for this beautiful little creature, but you have to care for them knowing absolutely nothing. It's as much of a learning curve for you as it is for them. Perhaps even a bigger one for you because you think you know...but trust me you don't. Lesson one: YOU DON'T KNOW SH*T! YOU ONLY THINK YOU DO.
The first couple of nights were strange at best. He'd wake up crying every hour at most and I'd wake up in a daze bumping into stuff and walk around so confused trying to figure out what was happening. So sleep was non existent. Not only because of the hourly wake up call but also because once in his bassinet, he'd make grunting noises and thrash about like he was kung fu fighting...I thought ...well I didn't know what the hell was going on or if he was okay so I'd spend the time between feedings on google. We all know how that can turn out. Lesson two: BABIES ARE KUNG FU MASTERS, NOW GET SOME SLEEP.
Despite the lack of sleep and not knowing sh*t, I was so overwhelmed with the amount of love I felt for him, I would burst out crying...like 15 times a day. Turns out the hormones add to that too...lol. I felt I finally knew the purpose of life..he was there doing some black belt sh*t in the bassinet at the end of our bed and he was going to bust some sh*t up. There were naturally the times that I would also cry because I was tired and lost and mostly tired and not used to being that tired anymore. Lesson three: BABY KUNG FU MASTERS MAKE YOU CRY...FOR MULTIPLE REASONS...NOW GET SOME SLEEP.
Then came the colic...oh it came, it conquered my ass I'll tell ya. Cyrus wouldn't stop screaming...that made me beg, plead and yes cry because I was tired, overwhelmed and for the first time in my life, I couldn't control this situation. I could not help my poor little munster resolve whatever it was that was bothering him. So I cried...Oh I cried, he cried, I felt guilt for failing him and being upset that I could not negotiate a stop crying contract with him, a friend told me to swaddle him and turn on a vacuum or hair dryer..Hey what do you know, it worked!! Lesson four: BABIES DO NOT NEGOTIATE, VACUUM NOISE GOOD.....NOW GET SOME SLEEP.
Before the colic, little Cyrus Munster slept pretty much all day long and only cried when he needed a diaper change or when he was hungry..so I'd do chores around the house and thought.."Oh this is how it's done. I got this down"..yea WRONG! The older they get the more demanding especially if you have a colicky baby, you will have very little time when you're not attending to baby. Lesson five: YOU WILL GET NOTHING DONE..NOW GET SOME SLEEP.
If you're lucky enough to have support, or rather smart enough to ask for it, you can take a break here and there you will not have to come to terms with this but I wasn't smart enough sooo I learned that eating, sleeping, peeing and showering are all luxuries. Heck even with support I haven't taken a shower longer than 5 minutes since Cyrus was born! I brush my teeth and wash my hair at the same time so I can get out before he wakes up! Another thing is food, I have only eaten two warm meals at most since Cyrus Munster came around. Sometimes I hear Stewie's voice saying " you think you can eat your warm meal do you? In that case I'm hungry now, feed me woman!" (flips bird).
As far as sleep is concerned, well sleep is over rated ...or that's what I tell myself..lol Lesson six: PEE, SHOWER, EAT BE MERRY..OH AND GET SOME SLEEP.
If anyone reading this thinks that mat leave is a "vacation" well think again. It's a full time job that never stops. 24/7 no breaks no weekend and no sympathy. It's stressful and hard work raising a little monkey but no matter how tired and overworked you are, you get so see them grow and smile and it makes it all worth it...I mean look at this face!!!!
Still though, when people tell you about needing to decompress, you can't help but want to tell them to suck it...especially if you have not had a date with sleep for a while. Lesson six: BEING A MOTHER IS THE HARDEST JOB IN THE WORLD...NOW GET SOME SLEEP...RIGHT AFTER YOU THANK YOUR MOM. note to self: ask baby if he can teach you his Kung Fu ways so you can respond to these "needs of decompression" appropriately.
Funny thing is I'm sure someone if not multiple people told us all of this before this little guys was even a dream in our lives but one can never come even close to understanding what it's like until you go through it. Also Gentlemen, the next time you want to complain as I've heard so many of you do, about your wife being bitchy, the house being messy, you being stressed and in need of a night out etc...well, suck it. Better yet, instead of sucking it, stay home with the baby for one day then lets see how you feel ;)
These are the Lessons that I've learned in parenting. In summery, I know nothing, baby knows kung fu and man I need some sleep!
Cheers,
Tash ;)
Love this! Cyrus is gorgeous
ReplyDeleteAh thanks Judy! Xo
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